The new nursery rhymes

Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides,
And every time that Mary walked
The boys could see her thighs.

She also had a little blouse
'Twas old and torn to bits,
And every time she wore it
The boys could see her tits.

Mary had another skirt
Twas split right up the front,
...but she didn't wear that one very often.


Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Her clothes all tattered and torn,
It wasn't the spider that
crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.


Simple Simon met a pieman
going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"

Said the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead!"


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men said,
"Fuck him, he's only an egg!”


Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon,
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon


Georgie Porgy pudding 'n pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.